Don’t Touch My Junk

“Don’t touch my junk” is now the frequent flyer’s mantra what with the TSA feeling everybody up before they get on a plane. I think the problem could be solved if doctors were the ones doing the groping. For example if I could get a mammogram and PAP smear before I got on a flight so much the better. I’m just not good at scheduling those things or following through on the appointments.

Also doctors could say, “I’m a professional” to put people at ease. It’s different if some random dude is touching a guy's junk than if a doctor does it and says, “Ok now cough for me.”

What a brilliant way to simultaneously improve our health care system and the safety of air traffic!

I’m surprised “Don’t touch my junk,” hasn’t already been taken by the show, Hoarders, but I guess nobody had the energy to come up with it after all the time it takes to fill your house full of junk. When people come to my house they’re like “Gosh, you want me to help you clean up some of this?” And I’m all like, “Don’t touch my junk or I’m calling the cops.”

Here’s a picture of my junk

And here’s a close-up on my junk – don’t touch it.