A Stranger in an Even Stranger Land

I live in a place where I don’t belong, especially being menopausal. I have no patience to deal with the craziness. Soon after moving here I had an encounter that should have made me reconsider my decision but at that point it was too late.

One evening around dusk I called animal control because this kid said he saw a wild boar down in the field across from my house. I shined my flashlight down there and while I could see something I could not tell what it was. I called the sheriff because animal control was closed (of course - they're closed nights and weekends - too bad no one alerted the animals) and told him I could see an animal but it was dusk and I couldn't make out what it was. 

He asked, "Is it lying down?" 

"No. It's standing up." 

"Is it moving?" 

"No, that's the weird part, it's standing still." 

"Is it a dog?" 

"No, I don't think so." 

In the meantime the kid goes to another neighbor's house and all 300 pounds of her comes barreling out the door, caftan billowing in the breeze, while I'm talking to the sheriff and I said, "Do you know what this thing is?" 

And in her thickest southern accent she yells, "It's a fake pig!" 

The sheriff heard her through the phone and proceeded to explain to me that people use the fake pig for target practice with a bow and arrow. I don’t understand the redneck and his ways so I said, "Sorry to disturb you but I'm from Atlanta and I've never seen anything like that." I promptly hung up.

The next day when it was light I walked by to get a better look down in the field. A man’s voice from Big Mama’s house said, “Looks real, don’t it?” Yes, it did.