Sweat Me a River

I have no tears. Any excess water in my body has been sweat out. In the morning when I drink a cup of coffee, I sweat. After I take a shower, I sweat. When I walk my dogs, I sweat – a lot! I sweat through my clothes. I sweat when I first lie down to go to sleep. Sometimes I sweat for no apparent reason. However, even with all this sweating, it appears there are a lot of women who have far worse hot flashes than I do.

According to the breastcancer.org website, a hot flash can be “preceded or accompanied by a rapid heartbeat and sweating, nausea, dizziness, anxiety, headache, weakness, or a feeling of suffocation.” Fortunately, that is not the case for me although it may be for you.

A hot flash is caused by a lower level of estrogen that affects the hypothalamus by making it think the body is too hot. Oh that gullible hypothalamus!

The majority of women in the U.S. (85%) experience hot flashes as they approach menopause and for the first year or two after their periods have stopped. Over time it seems the intensity decreases. So that’s the only good news.

A few things you can do right now to decrease intensity and number of hot flashes are:

Drink ice water instead of caffeinated drinks.

Wear cotton clothing so your skin can breathe.

Use cotton sheets on the bed – no blends!

Stick your head in the freezer – at home or in the grocery store.

Watch what you eat. Not too much sugar, alcohol or other delicious treats.

Exercise – you know, since you’re sweating anyway no one will notice that you’re having a hot flash. Exercise can also help you sleep better, cut down on stress and lots more.

So it appears that you and I will be having hot flashes for many years to come. Mine are pretty non-existent in the winter, but summer is the worst. There’s no way we are going to “love our hot flashes”. I’d love mine more if they made me lose weight.

Dumbing Down with Menopause

I often say that I’m dumbing down because of where I live – a small town on the outskirts of Charlotte, NC. Sometimes it’s difficult to find anyone who enjoys reading, proper English, flossing or not being drunk all the time.

Now I find out my town may not be the entire cause of my ever-increasing stupidity. Seems during late perimenopause you have a problem with verbal memory. I said verbal memory.

Science Daily article

So now would not be the time to learn a new language or sign up for a rocket science class. I often have problems coming up with the right word. That’s a problem for a writer. I will rack my brain. Sometimes I can remember the first letter or I know the definition but I’ll be damned if I can recall the word. Wouldn’t it be terrible to be a late perimenopausal spy being tortured for secrets, none of which you can remember? Or what if you were on Wheel of Fortune and you were about to win the big prize if only you could come up with that last letter but instead you blurt out “Pat, I’ll take a Q” because that’s the only letter you can think of?

I guess what this article tells us is to take it easy during menopause and don’t try anything too brainy or you might blow a synapse. 

What the What?

It seems the world is full of contradictions. Every time you think you've finally figured something out there's a new study that says the exact opposite, like this one:
Calcium & Vitamin D

Sometimes I think the media tries to keep us in a state of confusion just so we never really know what is going on.

We Don't Need Another Hero

This past weekend my cousin was here in Concord for a big car show. He was here last year for it, but this year he was actually in the show. Last year we walked around and looked at classic cars that we couldn't afford. This year was entirely different. He said, “I didn’t want to overwhelm you last time.” It was a good thing, too. All around the exterior of the Speedway (I capitalize it because it gets that much reverence here) were these fringe groups of which my cousin was now one. I don’t consider my cousin to be a redneck in any way. Maybe I give him too much credit. He has an old 1970’s camper that he has refurbished and it is totally one of a kind. Even I like it and I despise camping.

But here we were in the middle of row upon row of people selling their wares. Muddy rutted dirt roads ran parallel while cars, campers and items for sale lined up as far as the eye could see. I stuck close knowing I’d never find my way out of this maze if I got lost. It was incredible the things that were for sale. Many antique items like children’s pedal cars, bicycles with banana seats, car parts and more often held together only by a thin layer of rust. I let out a slight scream when I saw a stuffed squirrel mounted on a square of wood standing on its hind legs reading a book. I can almost guarantee that’s one more book than the guy who made it has read. I said, “If that doesn’t scream redneck I don’t know what does.”

The place was like a carnival of freaks – men and women who hadn’t bathed all weekend covered in a fine coat of dust selling old Match Box cars. Every once in awhile someone would crank up a vehicle and a rebel yell would explode from the group. Antiques included items like an old coffee vending machine - the kind that makes the awful sludge that’s a cross between mud and motor oil, old license plates and old signs. Just when I thought I had seen every horrific sight possible, a Chevy SS drives by jacked up on monster tires. For a fleeting instant I wondered if Mel Gibson might be inside, you know, with the SS on the back and all. I realized my jaw had been hanging open no doubt catching flies when I was finally able to speak again, “I feel like this is what the post apocalyptic world will look like.” Yes, this was it, the Redneck Thunderdome. I just need to know the way home.

Girl Power

If you think your life is heading in a downward spiral after menopause, think again! You can be strong and tough like Sandra Coast: 51-year-old Woman Graduates Army Boot Camp
(Isn't it ironic that her last name is Coast yet she's in the Army?)

Or you could be setting Guinness World Records like 89-year-old Margaret Hagerty, Marathon Runner

For myself, I am still trying to build up my endurance to running more that two minutes without getting out of breath and feeling light-headed, so I have a ways to go.

Pop Quiz

You’re going through menopause and you’re gaining weight, feeling tired, cranky and having hot flashes. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? Yes, I realize I’m reaching way back in time for that movie reference.

The answer is “Take a quiz”. Quizzes are fun. This one may not be quite as fun as the Cosmo quiz but could be informative. Hormone Pop Quiz

At least it will give you something to talk about the next time you see your gyno. BTW I don’t know this guy and have never heard of him so just take the quiz at face value.

Couch to 5K

In order to stave off the inevitable aging, I joined a Couch to 5K group. If you’re not familiar, here is a link to the website: Cool Running

Last night was the first night and I thought, “This is the closest to the couch end of the program.” So I didn’t feel like trying too hard. Also I was the only one wearing jeans. Everyone else had on some sort of running gear and the super cool Barbie girls had Pebbles waterfall coifs that bounced when they jogged. Barf.

After the warm-up of jumping jacks, squats and lunges I was ready to go home. My legs felt weak and rubbery. But then I was swept up into the event by the large group of people jogging in the dark. At that point I couldn't get out even if I had wanted to. We ran for a minute and then walked, ran then walked. This went on for what seemed like days. There was a lot of huffing and puffing. Somebody’s kid ran by me and I yelled, “Hey little kid slow down. I can’t keep up with you.” But that just made the kid run faster. That little bastard had endless reserves of energy.

There were die-hard runners at the park wearing headlamps so they could see their way. This is when you know they’re serious. Serious runners or possibly spelunkers, miners or Western Taoists looking for enlightenment amongst a mob of out of shape middle age joggers grasping at their lost youth.

Today my leg muscles are sore and my head hurts. Physical fitness is like offering yourself up willingly to be tortured. Ouch. I’m going back tomorrow night. I think I need a bigger couch. Too bad it isn’t couch to Dairy Queen training. That I could do.

Disillusioned

As you can see being timelier with my blog entries was not one of my New Year’s resolutions. Although I believe this year holds many wonderful surprises it begins with a hint of disillusion when it comes to menopause.

It seems that once I am able to accept something in my life it goes away. Like finally coming to terms with my curly hair that I had attempted to straighten since I was in third grade whether it was with orange juice cans, blow driers, special brushes, professionals – even flat irons. Once I stopped fighting the curls and started using a diffuser I realized how much easier my hair was to deal with. Then after getting my hair cut a few years later – poof!! Just like that the curl was gone.

And so it is with menopause. I have dreaded “The Change” for years yet once I accepted it was actually going to happen my body became rebellious. I was halfway to the finish line – six months with only six more to go. But no, my body had other plans as if it is going to rally one last time and drag this event out as far as it can before giving up. I'm not sure I want to end up on the cover of The National Enquirer as the oldest woman to give birth. 

Oh youth, how I will miss thee! Hey, come back, I'm not done with you yet.