From Mashable, here’s part
of what’s wrong with America and I’m not talking about the visible ass crack
either. Oh how I wish “Away in a Manger” was playing underneath this!
The way people were
being pushed around you’d think everyone was competing for a chance at a heart
transplant with only one heart left to give away. But no, this herd was closing
in on $2 waffle makers. See what happens to people after they’ve been standing out
in the cold, sleep deprived, main-lining caffeine and dreaming of cheap
appliances? They lose their minds, and before you know it, it’s Lord of the
Flies reenacted right there at your local Wal-Mart. All the standards of normal
behavior are forgotten and the mob mentality reaches a frenzied Darwinian
pitch. Like a shark getting a whiff of blood, these peoples’ focus became the
thing that they wanted to buy and damn anyone who got in the way. Hey, whatever happened to WWJD? I’m almost
positive Jesus would not scuffle over a $2 waffle maker. I mean if you can give
eternal life a frickin’ $2 waffle maker would be a complete waste of time.
Here’s how I imagine the
conversation will go on Christmas Day, “Oh good, I’m so glad you like the waffle maker! I had to
knock down two people, trip an old lady, sucker punch a kid and cut in line to
buy that, and the best part is it only cost me $2! Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
Now let’s celebrate the birth of Christ.”
P.S. If any one of my
friends or family gives me a $2 waffle maker for Christmas I will disown them. Give
money to a charity in my name instead. Thank you.
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